Most women I know have, at one point in their life, made a list of everything they want in a man. As they go through different phases of their life the list may change, but there’s still usually a list somewhere. The consistent top three for me are:
- Am I attracted to him?
- Is he funny?
- Is he smart?
Maybe this isn’t the only list a single woman needs.
I am single and two of my daughters are single. We are all independent and know how to either take care of anything that needs to be done around the house ourselves, or we know who to call that we can pay to fix it for us. When we get together we do not sit around and criticize our exes, but we do get pretty entertaining talking about our past relationship success rates.
The other night when we all got together, my daughters and I started a list of questions we would ask any new man:
- Are you single? It seems like this question would not be necessary. Obviously, an involved man wouldn’t be flirting with a woman, right? Nope. This is should be the first and most crucial question any time you start talking to a new man.
- How well do you adult? This is one of my daughter’s questions. This particular daughter tends to date men who are fun, engaging, and emotionally stuck at about 15. These men are a lot of fun to date, but they don’t make a good bet for the long haul. Reality and responsibility can suck sometimes.
- What is important to you? I know a lot of men who swear they have no interest in a woman who needs to be called or texted every day. I also know a lot of women who swear they have no interest in a man who doesn’t call or text every day. There is obviously a conflict there and what’s important to each person needs to be discussed early in any relationship.
- Do you have a criminal record? It should be an automatic, no-brainer to turn and run if someone answers that, yes, they have a criminal record. Unfortunately, there is a strong need in some women to “fix” the man they’re with. There’s something very enticing about seeing the “good” side of a “bad boy.” Please, please, don’t be understanding and kind if you find out a man has had trouble with the law; just run in the other direction as fast as you can.
- Do you have to breathe into a machine to start your car? This one kind of goes with the criminal record question, but has merit on its own. Friends of mine have had to breathe into the machine for their significant others so the other can drive even though they’re not supposed to due to a previous DUI. The friends seemed oblivious to the danger of having someone drive who can’t pass a breath test not to mention being manipulated into enabling someone.
- How many baby mamas do you have? Multiple babies with multiple women can show both ego problems and commitment issues. However many women are the mothers of their children is the exact number of women who will be pulling on his time and attention in the future.
- How many daughters do you have? This one was mine; I have had a run of bad luck dating men with daughters. There’s no law against daughters; I have three myself and they are lovely women.Too many of the men I’ve dated in the last few years have had grown daughters who are completely dependent on Daddy. I have wound up being left high and dry while Daddy runs to the rescue more times than I can count. I appreciate that sometimes there are emergencies, but not every week.
- Are you a serial killer? A friend of mine swears this is an effective question. She throws it out to almost every man she starts talking to. For her, it’s putting it out there and it’s a good test to see how a man responds.
- Are you a pathological liar? This is the follow-up question to number 8. The same friend feels that the answers to these two questions can tell her a lot about a man’s personality and sense of humor. I’m not sure I could pull either of these off.
- Are you gainfully employed? I don’ know anyone personally who cares how much money a man makes, but having a job can be a big deal. Having and holding a job shows a level of responsibility that is desirable in any relationship. Once a relationship has been established, I don’t mind paying some of the time, but he better be willing to pay his share or more. Bonus points for anyone who not only has a job but loves what they do.
The fascinating thing for me about this list is how quickly my female friends responded with their own questions based on their experiences. Every single one of them had one or two things that came to them immediately. I know their answers could be used to chart the story of their history, but their histories are not mine to tell.
I know any man or men could come up with an equally interesting list of things to ask a woman when they meet her. I suspect that they have encountered a few patterns in their lives that need addressing, too. If anyone wants to share their thoughts, I would be happy to post that list, but I do insist on retaining editorial rights. Just in case any of them hit too close to home.